I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
