when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Randomize
