her vagina looked like bernie madoff
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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