Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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