Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
