Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
