I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
