Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize