dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
