what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
