1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
