three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
