just tell him i said nine months
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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