I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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