apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
