Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
