i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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