he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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