when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
No subtext here. People are naked.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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