I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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