Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
