Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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