The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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