I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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