Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
pop tarts are not kleenex
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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