So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Is it because I queefed?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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