I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
