My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
