A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
