i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
