I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
