Where is the hickey?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
