I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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