Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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