I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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