Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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