Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
