he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
