life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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