96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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