I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
