Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
