OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
