Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
