Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
