we have pet lesbian snakes
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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