The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
