So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
