I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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