Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
