I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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