I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
