you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
