So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
