Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
