I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
