yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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