I hate your face
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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