she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
