Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
