I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
