You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
