please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We're too hungover to prance.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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