K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
