i may or may not be watching the land before time
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
