Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
