I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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