i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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