loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
