Ambien. No doubt about it.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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