BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
