I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
