I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
