it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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